


meddling in the middle of a mysterious mess with dagon, hastur, and ligur

by annapotterkiku, honeyedgold



Series: silly philosophy with anthony janthony crowley and aziraphale ziraphale fell (and other related persons) [6]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Awkward Conversations, Conversations, Hell, Hiding, Hiding in Plain Sight, Humor, Implied Relationships, Implied Sexual Content, Intervention, Office, Other, Religious Humor, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-29
Updated: 2019-08-29
Packaged: 2020-09-29 14:53:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20437871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annapotterkiku/pseuds/annapotterkiku, https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeyedgold/pseuds/honeyedgold
Summary: AUTHOR'S NOTE: this describes a department head picking on their employeesdon't ask where this came from i don't know either





	meddling in the middle of a mysterious mess with dagon, hastur, and ligur

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [can thiệp vào chuyện nhà sếp cùng với dagon, hastur và ligur](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20437571) by [annapotterkiku](https://archiveofourown.org/users/annapotterkiku/pseuds/annapotterkiku). 

> TRANSLATOR’S NOTE: Corrections on the demons’ speaking style are very appreciated. I’m not a native speaker, as you might have gathered.  
A virtual cookie for the first person to guess the reference in the title. No, that shoutout wasn’t in the original.

"Lord Beelzebub." Dagon started. Hastur and Ligur stood guard on either side of them, silently looking on. 

Sitting behind the desk, Beelzebub stared at the entourage blocking zir office door.

"What?"

Dagon cleared their throat. "There was something we wanted to discuss, Lord."

"What’s going on?"

"I mean, we’ve been working together all these years so that’s why we wanted to bring it up, please don’t be offended, Lord -"

"What?" Beelzebub repeated. Ze did not like repeating zemself. 

Dagon knew that well and decided to spit it out. "Something smells weird in your room, Your Disgrace."

Behind them, Hastur and Ligur solemnly nodded.

Beelzebub suddenly sat up straight. The entourage, to a demon, flinched inwardly. Elbows on the desk, chin resting on laced fingers, Beelzebub asked plainly. "How?"

"Like..." Dagon hesitated.

Beelzebub raised zir eyebrows.

Ligur immediately jumped in to assist. "It smells like  _ goodness  _ around here, Lord."

Silence. The entire room was still, except for the buzzing of flies. 

The Prince of Hell stared at zir underlings, expression unchanging. 

The underlings stared at the Prince of Hell, already drafting escape plans in their head. 

After a pause that seemed several centuries long, Beelzebub finally answered. "It’zzz fake."

The entourage standing in front of the office door finally managed to blink. 

"Fake?"

"Yezzzz." Beelzebub said. "New room spray. Scented like hypocrizzzzy.” 

Another silent minute passed. 

"Yes, Lord, it smells just like the real thing, doesn’t it?" Hastur mumbled his way through the question. "Where did you steal it from?"

Beelzebub’s stare drilled into him.

Hastur started to pray.

"Where elzze but from Heaven." Beelzebub said. A smile that had about as much emotion as you could get from a rock cracked zir face apart. 

Hastur thought he ought to act immediately, since he wanted to survive to see the next full moon.

Slowly, deliberately, nervously - he started to laugh.

The other two followed suit in fear. 

Beelzebub’s thin smile spread to zir ears, but got nowhere near the infinitely black irises.

"Ah, ah, I got it. Heaven stinks of hypocrisy." Dagon tried to salvage the situation, to no avail. “Got it. Bingo.” 

Ligur thought it was time to retreat. So he immediately ran for it. 

His co-conspirators were hot on his heels.

As soon as Beelzebub’s office door had shut tight, ze put zir hand under the desk and fished up a head of sleek brown hair.

"I smell of actual goodness." Gabriel frowned reprovingly.

The hand on his scalp yanked on it painfully, closing the distance between zem and him. 

"Come without announcing again and I’ll break your wings."

**Author's Note:**

> TRANSLATOR’S NOTE:  
Why did Beelzebub’s speech start buzzing when it didn’t in the previous installment? Dunno. Ask the author. 
> 
> Anna also said that Beez would have a Hanoi accent if ze were to speak Vietnamese. As a nonbinary Hanoian who’s definitely going to hell for various reasons, I absolutely had to translate this fic because of that. 
> 
> Yes, that last line _was_ an innuendo of my own making, given what Gabriel is responsible for.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] meddling in the middle of a mysterious mess with dagon, hastur, and ligur](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21434608) by [CatofApocalypse](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatofApocalypse/pseuds/CatofApocalypse)


End file.
